It's been awhile. Awhile since I've done anything to the website, or anything creative at all. Last year I took a change and switched jobs at work. Not a good decision. I may go a week or two working "human" hours, and just as I start to feel normal again, like I can start painting or drawing, something big comes up and I end up having to work myself into the ground until I really don't have anything left in me. This has made me very lifeless this past year. Even if I feel like I might be able to start a new project, I just can't get there because I know right around the corner is something else that is gonna level me.
This is very upsetting, not only because I had bigger plans for my work, but the fact that I have such a difficult time even getting started at all. I try to convince myself that I absolutely hate my job, but in reality I don't. I get along with the crew that works there with me, they make it worth going to, I may even enjoy what I personally do there, but the hours kill that for me. I'm far along in life to still be working 12 to 15 to 18 to 20 hours or more day. And yes, I have put a 24 hour shift in before. That was the worst of it though, 121 hours in 7 days. I just went through something similar the last 2 weeks as well. I am so mentally and physically exhausted. Congratulations to me, I'm one of millions of people who are tired of what they do and how they get treated. But enough bitching, let's to the meat of it.
I have decided that enough is enough, not of the job, I need that to survive, no no no, enough of not pushing myself harder to get what I want, because guess what? Nothing is going to change unless I do something to change it right? So here's the deal, a deal I made with myself. I'm going to do my best to just wade through the bullshit during the day, then come home and focus on creating new stuff for the site. I've got all my supplies lined up in front of me, pencils, Micron ink pens, tablet and drawing pads. Easy right?
The end game for me has never been about selling paintings and being a millionaire on a boat motherfucker, nah, it's more about creating something that people like, maybe hang in their home above the flatscreen, or wear it on a hoodie, just every day shit. That would be so cool to me! But...the big but, is that I would much rather create everything myself. Right now I do the painting and then upload it to a POD site who prints it and sends it out, sound easy, and it is from my side. There are two problems I have with this, number one being I get a whopping 10% of everything that sells. Now don't get me wrong, I know that the company I go through is using their resources to print and ship, but I am the content provider, without people like me the company doesn't exist. The partnership we have should be better than that, and in fact it used to be, then they got greedy. The second problem is, that I really don't want someone else printing my stuff! Yes, it makes it much easier, but I'm just not a "hands off" kind of guy, especially when it comes to something I created.
So to that end, hopefully sometime this year, I will start setting up to print my own damn stuff. Right now I'm sitting on a one color screen printer, which I intend to start messing with this week. I get pretty excited just thinking about it, I know it is going to be a lot of work, but in the end it will be worth it to me. I'm not even looking to make a full fledged business out of this, I don't sell enough for that anyway, I just want to do something I can be proud of, because even though I create content, it doesn't really feel like mine if you know what I mean.
Anyway, long post I know. I'm not really the type of person that bitches up a storm either, I guess I just needed to get some stuff off my chest. I will be updating when I get this show on the road. Peace.
